Warning: Break Room Door Broken

From: Tamsin Bituminock, Head of Facilities Maintenance Howdie, everyone! I just wanted to let ya’ll know that the door to the break room is a one-way door for the next coupla weeks, and that one way is open like a cow’s cooter while you’re inseminating it with a turkey baster full of goat batter! See, what happened is, Gibby and his wife Verlene were in … Continue reading Warning: Break Room Door Broken

Grape tomatoes

Free in the Break Room: Grape Tomatoes

From: Lester Scantion, head of Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that down in the Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development Division (You can call us Lipman Family Farms, because we really are a family, and we all have lips, and we only hire men) we’ve developed a brand new experiment concoction delight to share with you. We call … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Grape Tomatoes

Package of a variety of nuts

Free in the Break Room: Salty Mixed Nuts

From: Betty from HR, Head of Human Resources Hi everyone! Betty from HR here, and I’ve got an important note for everyone here. There are a few salty mixed nuts in the break room that we’d like to offer everyone—especially our hard-working friends in the Theatrical Productions department. I’m not sure exactly who brought the nuts in. Sam assures me the Mind-Control department isn’t even … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Salty Mixed Nuts

Table of Contents from an issue of Birds & Blooms magazine, encouraging people to "host a peanut party"

Note from HR: Party Policy

From: Betty from HR, Head of Human Resources Hi, everyone. Betty from HR here. I just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone about Karismatiq Omnicorp’s policy on parties in the office, and to review the reasons for them. We all want the workplace to be a space where everyone can be friendly and collegial, and even enjoy their work day. But Karismatiq Omnicorp … Continue reading Note from HR: Party Policy

Cubes of bread

Free in the Break Room: Mini Bread

From: Ishari Melbon, Nanotechnology Point Person The Karismatiq Omnicorp Nanotechnology Department is proud to report another step forward in unlocking the secrets of the microscopic universe. Bread has always been an extraordinary challenge for any miniaturization professional. The yeast-based leavening that gives bread such a delightful texture and kick also causes increases in size that have always challenged the core competencies of the cute-ification industry. … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Mini Bread

One tube of Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

Free in the Break Room: Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

From: Vern Motif, Head of Seasonal Supplies. I’m sure many of you have heard some rumors about the Seasonal Supplies Unit that I was recently transferred to, so in the interest of full disclosure I’d like to explain precisely what is happening. Up until three weeks ago, we had a doubleplussecret handshake agreement contract with the United States Department of Shadow Agriculture to provide special … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

Bathroom scale in an office.

New in the Break Room: Bathroom Scale

From: Cameron Navi, Karismatiq Omnicorp Branding and Font Guru Let’s get real, folks. We all know that the PC Police will come after us if we dare to make any kind of comments about people’s weight, and I’m frankly worried about getting thrown into a Peruvian prison where they shove rutabagas up your backside if you dare to wash your hands after you clean up … Continue reading New in the Break Room: Bathroom Scale