Tomatoes in a paper bag

Free in the Break Room: Dime Bag of Tomatoes

From: Betty from HR I’d like to make  another kind reminder that we at Karismatiq Omnicorp have a zero-tolerance policy toward usage of addictive drugs other than those that we produce. We have discovered a literal dime bag in the break room. While Karismatiq Omnicorp fully supports the use of the break room to share food, clothing, furnishings, hardware, and other necessities with co-workers as … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Dime Bag of Tomatoes

Three slices of pizza

Free in the Break Room: Three Slices of Pizza

From: Betty from HR We at Karismatiq Omnicorp have a zero-tolerance policy toward usage of addictive drugs other than those that we produce. This is why we were so horrified to see these three slices of marijuana-laden pizza appear in the break room. We were shocked to imagine that any of our employees could be so brazen about their drug usage as to leave such … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Three Slices of Pizza

Tray with many pieces of quiche.

Free in the Break Room: Quiche

From: Eleanor Stuck, T.K.C., D.D.M, 2ndclass.  Listen up, maggot-fuckers. The turd-slurping basset hounds who like to call themselves my staff managed to meet their quarterly goals. Yep, they managed to meet the bare minimum standard for me to not drag their nuts through a golf ball washer as I fire their lazy asses with two cannons fired by a grandma who gave birth to quadruplets … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Quiche

Fiddle Faddle

Free in the Break Room: Fiddle Faddle

Hi everyone. Betty from HR here. We’ve noticed a real uptick in cursing around the Karismatiq Omnicorp offices lately, and while we’d never want to be accused of impinging upon the free expression of our employees, there are a lot of people in our office whose religious freedom depends on controlling what other people do. So cut out the swearing or you’ll be fired. To … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Fiddle Faddle

One muffin in a plastic container

Free in the Break Room: 1 Muffin, Indeterminate Variety

You deserve a fresh-baked muffin today. I’ve been watching you, and you’ve been working really hard. I mean, I wouldn’t say you’ve been working smart, but you’ve made a lot of people’s lives marginally better, or at least little worse, than if you had chosen instead to smear their faces with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and dropped them in a pit full of … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: 1 Muffin, Indeterminate Variety

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Free in the Break Room: Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Hi everyone. Betty from HR here. We’ve been hearing reports of some rather inappropriate comments being made about some of our friends from the Compliance Department. We’d like you to make it clear that Deborah is not a drip, Clive is not a kill-joy, Sam is not a stuffed shirt, and Sheila is not a square. Our Compliance Department works very hard to ensure that … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Cinnamon Toast Crunch