Bathroom scale in an office.

New in the Break Room: Bathroom Scale

From: Cameron Navi, Karismatiq Omnicorp Branding and Font Guru Let’s get real, folks. We all know that the PC Police will come after us if we dare to make any kind of comments about people’s weight, and I’m frankly worried about getting thrown into a Peruvian prison where they shove rutabagas up your backside if you dare to wash your hands after you clean up … Continue reading New in the Break Room: Bathroom Scale

Open bag of skittles, with no visible green ones.

Free in the Break Room: Skittles

From: Stefan Corrivailles, Operations Chief We’ve brought in a bag of Skittles for everyone to enjoy. But we’d like to ask everyone to be very careful. You’ve probably noticed that we’ve painstakingly removed all of the green Skittles from the bag. This was something extremely important to our Sales Department. As I’m sure you all know, the Sales Department has extraordinarily detailed requirements in order … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Skittles

Half of a pie

Free in the Break Room: Pie

From: Benedict Oswald Stamperflash, Head of Biohacking The Biohacking unit has been working hard to find creative ways to enhance Karismatiq Omnicorp’s profits and status, and we’ve got an exciting new plan. Karismatiq Omnicorp has biohacked mathematics into something exciting and new—biohackematics! Market research tells us that, while pi may have met the needs of a 20th-century population, modern audiences are thirsty for something quicker … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Pie

Tomatoes in a paper bag

Free in the Break Room: Dime Bag of Tomatoes

From: Betty from HR I’d like to make  another kind reminder that we at Karismatiq Omnicorp have a zero-tolerance policy toward usage of addictive drugs other than those that we produce. We have discovered a literal dime bag in the break room. While Karismatiq Omnicorp fully supports the use of the break room to share food, clothing, furnishings, hardware, and other necessities with co-workers as … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Dime Bag of Tomatoes

Two bananas

Free in the Break Room: Bananas

From: Tamsin Bituminock, Head of Facilities Maintenance Howdie, everyone! Remember how the cabinet jus’ jumped offa the wall in the mailroom and squished that kid Bart like a bug in a rug in a jug in a mug? Well, Turlick decided he wanted to put that mean ol’ cabinet back on the wall where it belongs. So he went all the way down into the … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Bananas

Pre-halved cookies

Free in the Break Room: Half Cookies

From: Ishari Melbon, Nanotechnology Point Person You know how sometimes when people are thinking about getting dessert, and you can tell the really want it, but they say, “you know, I’m not super-hungry, do you want to split it?” and then you have to either agree and only get half the dessert you want or disagree and look like a fat, greedy turd? Well, the … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Half Cookies

Coupons for varieties of dog food.

Free in the Break Room: Dog Food Coupons

From: Zeke Pinball, head of Canine, Bear, and Walrus Products It’s time to think about man’s best friend. Many people have dogs, and they can be just like one of the family. Usually grandma, since she drools a lot and poops on newspaper and has fleas and is way better than you’d expect at frisbee and likes to sniff butts. Much like grandma, dogs like … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Dog Food Coupons