Cookie Tin with Help Yourself post-it note on it

Free in the Break Room: Help Yourself Tin

From: Deb Mantisse, Sales Manager This cookie tin is for anyone who wants it, especially Kylie, who thought that going to her grandmother’s funeral was more important that dressing in a halter top and pink hot pants and standing at our booth at the big TYMX Nova Scotia show in Halifax this February. Thanks to her, all of the businessmen wandering the aisles completely shit-face … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Help Yourself Tin

Package of assorted mini brownies, marked down

Free in the Break Room: Discount Brownies

From: Alycee Absess, Assistant Head of Theatrical Productions I just got back from Spartanburg, South Carolina, where I was directing a really exciting production of Annie—we got Norman D. Golden II, the kid from Cop and a Half, and a really nice notice in the Herald-Journal that asked “Why is a 34-year-old black man playing a red-haired orphan girl?” But all six people in the … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Discount Brownies

Grape tomatoes

Free in the Break Room: Grape Tomatoes

From: Lester Scantion, head of Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that down in the Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development Division (You can call us Lipman Family Farms, because we really are a family, and we all have lips, and we only hire men) we’ve developed a brand new experiment concoction delight to share with you. We call … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Grape Tomatoes

Package of a variety of nuts

Free in the Break Room: Salty Mixed Nuts

From: Betty from HR, Head of Human Resources Hi everyone! Betty from HR here, and I’ve got an important note for everyone here. There are a few salty mixed nuts in the break room that we’d like to offer everyone—especially our hard-working friends in the Theatrical Productions department. I’m not sure exactly who brought the nuts in. Sam assures me the Mind-Control department isn’t even … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Salty Mixed Nuts

Cubes of bread

Free in the Break Room: Mini Bread

From: Ishari Melbon, Nanotechnology Point Person The Karismatiq Omnicorp Nanotechnology Department is proud to report another step forward in unlocking the secrets of the microscopic universe. Bread has always been an extraordinary challenge for any miniaturization professional. The yeast-based leavening that gives bread such a delightful texture and kick also causes increases in size that have always challenged the core competencies of the cute-ification industry. … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Mini Bread

One tube of Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

Free in the Break Room: Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

From: Vern Motif, Head of Seasonal Supplies. I’m sure many of you have heard some rumors about the Seasonal Supplies Unit that I was recently transferred to, so in the interest of full disclosure I’d like to explain precisely what is happening. Up until three weeks ago, we had a doubleplussecret handshake agreement contract with the United States Department of Shadow Agriculture to provide special … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Gourmet Frightfetti Popcorn

Open bag of skittles, with no visible green ones.

Free in the Break Room: Skittles

From: Stefan Corrivailles, Operations Chief We’ve brought in a bag of Skittles for everyone to enjoy. But we’d like to ask everyone to be very careful. You’ve probably noticed that we’ve painstakingly removed all of the green Skittles from the bag. This was something extremely important to our Sales Department. As I’m sure you all know, the Sales Department has extraordinarily detailed requirements in order … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Skittles