Glass, decorated with fish

Free in the Break Room: One Fish-Decorated Glass, Partially Filled

From: Fargo Farnsworth, Head of Utensils, Glassware, Baubles, and Kitchen Miscellany How many times has this happened to you: You’ve just gorged yourself on four bags of double-salted tortilla chips, and washed it down with a dozen packets of ramen noodle seasoning. Suddenly, you’re feeling a bit peckish for something moist. But how do you get it? Bottled water is expensive, but taps are so … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: One Fish-Decorated Glass, Partially Filled

Free in the Break Room: Dip

From: Stefan Corrivailles, Operations Chief Hi everyone. I brought some dip in to share. I hope you like it. I grew the artichokes myself, and I hand-made a variety of cheeses in small artisanal batches, and I hand-whipped egg and oil into a garlic aioli, and… Deb just sent me a WeChat that’s just a broomstick emoji and a butt emoji and a band-aid emoji … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Dip

Bag of chocolate caramel popcorn

Free in the Break Room: Chocolate Caramel Popcorn

From: Ross Valentine, Head of Cross-Promotions and Pastries Yo, yo, yo, whuddup? I gotz some strange for allz youz up in da hizzouse! What if you gotz some popcorn and you make it go pop pop pop like you’re its pimp and its john tried to “negotiate” for some butt action after you already gived him a deal becuz you was filmin’ it for youz … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Chocolate Caramel Popcorn

Two issues of Ohio magazine

Free in the Break Room: Two Issues of Ohio Magazine

From: Janine Knopf, Head of Decorative Wax Fruit Design and Manufacturing I guess some dreams have to die. Ever since I was eight years old and my Dad ran off with a floozy from Akron and my Mom ran off with a fundamentalist Baptist from Cedarville, I’ve wanted to visit Ohio. I watched every rerun of The Brady Bunch, WKRP in Cincinnati, and The Drew Carey … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Two Issues of Ohio Magazine

Tray of "Back to School" cookies

Free in the Break Room: Back To School Cookies

From: Indigo Charish, Director of Gelatines and Goos We have placed one dozen cookies in the break room. You will note that these cookies are “Back to School” themed. While we hope you take some measure of pleasure in them, please do not be deceived by the adorable label. These cookies represent one of the most notable steps forward in gelatin and goo technology. Embedded … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Back To School Cookies

Cookie Tin with Help Yourself post-it note on it

Free in the Break Room: Help Yourself Tin

From: Deb Mantisse, Sales Manager This cookie tin is for anyone who wants it, especially Kylie, who thought that going to her grandmother’s funeral was more important that dressing in a halter top and pink hot pants and standing at our booth at the big TYMX Nova Scotia show in Halifax this February. Thanks to her, all of the businessmen wandering the aisles completely shit-face … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Help Yourself Tin

Package of assorted mini brownies, marked down

Free in the Break Room: Discount Brownies

From: Alycee Absess, Assistant Head of Theatrical Productions I just got back from Spartanburg, South Carolina, where I was directing a really exciting production of Annie—we got Norman D. Golden II, the kid from Cop and a Half, and a really nice notice in the Herald-Journal that asked “Why is a 34-year-old black man playing a red-haired orphan girl?” But all six people in the … Continue reading Free in the Break Room: Discount Brownies