Free in the Break Room: Dip

DipFrom: Stefan Corrivailles, Operations Chief

Hi everyone. I brought some dip in to share.

I hope you like it. I grew the artichokes myself, and I hand-made a variety of cheeses in small artisanal batches, and I hand-whipped egg and oil into a garlic aioli, and…

Deb just sent me a WeChat that’s just a broomstick emoji and a butt emoji and a band-aid emoji and 212 shame emojis, so I guess I’m not fooling anyone. I’ll come clean. Last week we got a new shipment of address labels in, and I know everyone likes the DX-7231s, which are 4 inches by 2 inches, but we inadvertently ordered the CX-7231s, which are also 4 inches by 2 inches but have a slightly different and more powerful adhesive.

Boy, did we screw up.

Deb showed me all the ways that the extra surface tension hampered Karismatiq Omnicorp’s image and standing in the marketplace. In addition to greatly slowing our invoicing, order fulfillment, and bribe delivery, sudden changes like that can really confuse customers and make them wonder if we truly stand for all the things we claimed we stand for. Apparently, that was enough to make us lost our third-biggest client, the one whose husband Deb was sleeping with, which is going to affect the company’s bottom line so much that nobody is going to get raises this year except for the Sales Department and executives.

I really want to show that we in Operations won’t let you down again. I hope you’ll accept this as the first of many peace offerings.

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