Warning: Break Room Door Broken

broken doorFrom: Tamsin Bituminock, Head of Facilities Maintenance

Howdie, everyone! I just wanted to let ya’ll know that the door to the break room is a one-way door for the next coupla weeks, and that one way is open like a cow’s cooter while you’re inseminating it with a turkey baster full of goat batter!

See, what happened is, Gibby and his wife Verlene were in the kitchen last week, bakin’ up a cake to celebrate the two-month anniversary of Verlene’s delousing. They was already in a pretty good mood, and then they got a call from their boy Tennetucky, who told them that he was named captain of his croquet team at Harvard. Add that to the fact that they keep their oven in the shed with six of their nine moonshine stills, and it’s easy to see how they might get some things mixed up.

Anyhow, it turns out that their carrot, grub, and squirrel cake also had a whole lotta whisky in it, and it turned out a bit soupy but still tastier than a baby kangaroo. Unfortunately, it made Gibby a bit jumpy, especially since he brought a leftover paddle-full for lunch on Monday. He thought he saw Perry Como in the door, and since Perry Como had killed Gibby’s pa, no one can blame Gibby for rushing at the door head-first.

Unfortunately, that put the door in a right state, and we ain’t sure how to fix it. It’s got us stumped like we were people tryin’ to read a book! According to the Alter Visters, doors got these doohickeys called hinges, and Gibby and I just do not understand them at all.

I’m sure we’ll get it figgered out before too long, but until then, be careful! This door is broken, and it might try to shoot you in the face!

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