From: Lester Scantion, head of Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development
Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that down in the Frugitible Hybridization and Monstrosity Development Division (You can call us Lipman Family Farms, because we really are a family, and we all have lips, and we only hire men) we’ve developed a brand new experiment concoction delight to share with you.
We call it a Grape Tomato. It’s basically a non-citrus clementine: All the fun and pop-in-your-mouthability of a grape with the taste and confusion over whether it’s a fruit or vegetable of a tomato!
We believe this Grape Tomato will find an audience in the wine, vinegar, and Waldorf salad markets. Our projections suggest that worldwide sales may top ten or even twelve thousand tomatoes annually by 2023, assuming successful human testing. As a result, please report any spontaneous mutations or murderous thoughts to Karismatiq Omnicorp’s Scandal Supression Division immediately. We can’t afford a repeat of the Great HoneyCrisp Debacle of 200…
Really? Grape tomatoes already exist? We spent $25 million on the hats to draw two random words out of alone!
Oh well. Don’t tell the shareholders.
Note: Lipman Family Farms is an actual company, completely unaffiliated with Free in the Break Room or anything that happens here. We presume they’re lovely.