From: Betty from HR, Head of Human Resources
Hi, everyone. Betty from HR here.
I just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone about Karismatiq Omnicorp’s policy on parties in the office, and to review the reasons for them.
We all want the workplace to be a space where everyone can be friendly and collegial, and even enjoy their work day. But Karismatiq Omnicorp policy does prohibit all forms of parties on company grounds.
The reason for this goes back to my late grandmother, Elizabeth from HR. During her time, this region of the country was blessed with an unusually bountiful citrus harvest, and as a result, lemons were available for only three cents a bushel. Nobody wanted to pass up a deal like that, so they purchased huge quantities—sometimes spending up to 87% of their salaries on lemons as an investment, in the expectation that prices would rebound and they could resell their fruits at a tidy profit.
Of course, with so many lemons floating around, it was inevitable that some would find their way into briefcases and jacket pockets and lunch pails and be brought into work. We wouldn’t normally wouldn’t be opposed to this, but the lemons became a distraction. In fact, our employees started throwing lemon parties. Every day, it seemed, there was a lemon party in practically every room in our offices.
I don’t think I have to tell you, productivity slowed to a crawl. Plus, the mess was unconscionable. So my late grandmother had to ban all lemons from the premises.
Unfortunately, the staff at the time were less dedicated than the ones we currently have, and the cameras hadn’t been installed in every office, so they quickly found alternatives to lemons to inspire their parties: tiny stuffed rainbows, old wooden skittles games, and even Oreo cookies. Every time she tried to ban a specific item, a new one spurted forth to take its place.
As a result, we’ve had to ban all parties from Karismatiq Omnicorp premises.
The reason for this reminder is that we recently found some literature in the break room encouraging the hosting of peanut parties. And while this sounds like a salty, protein-packed good time that will always remind you of Jimmy Carter, it must take place outside of work hours and outside of work property.
“With the right kind of coaching and determination you can accomplish anything.” —Reese Witherspoon 😀