New in the Break Room: Bathroom Scale

Bathroom scale in an office.From: Cameron Navi, Karismatiq Omnicorp Branding and Font Guru

Let’s get real, folks. We all know that the PC Police will come after us if we dare to make any kind of comments about people’s weight, and I’m frankly worried about getting thrown into a Peruvian prison where they shove rutabagas up your backside if you dare to wash your hands after you clean up the blood from the most recent stabbing—even though you can’t call it a “stabbing” and instead you have to say it’s a “blade incident” and instead of “blood” you’re supposed to say “crimson fluid” and you can’t say “shove rutabagas up your backside” because it’s officially a “second-person involuntary rectal insertion incident involving root vegetables of a semi-obscure nature,” and you can’t call it a “Peruvian prison” because we want to pretend it’s an “ethnically diverse cultural exchange opportunity with exciting opportunities to be stabbed and have rutabagas shoved up your backside,” but I’m going to say it anyway because I am a PATRIOT!!!!!

Every fatty in a company brings profits down by three percent. That’s just SCIENCE, so don’t you dare try to argue with me!!!

Thanks to all the liberals, we’re not allowed to round up the fatties and drown them in a bucket of creamed corn and guacamole (even though they’re halfway to doing it on their own—am I right?) but it’s my responsibility to protect the Karismatiq Omnicorp brand, and by gum I’m going to do it.

I found this scale in the for-sale section of Gab, and I brought it in. Every Monday, we’re gonna have a parade of fatties come into the break room and weigh themselves.  If they haven’t lost weight, or if they have, we’re gonna laugh and jeer and call them names until they’re thin. And you can’t stop us, because that’s just FREE SPEECH, and we still have that in this country!!!!!

Believe me, I’m not taking any pleasure in this. If white men had any freedom in this country anymore, I wouldn’t have to, but I’m going to suck it up because I love this country and everyone in it, except the fatties.

Enjoy your donut, Marvin.

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