From: Tamsin Bituminock, Head of Facilities Maintenance
Remember how the cabinet jus’ jumped offa the wall in the mailroom and squished that kid Bart like a bug in a rug in a jug in a mug? Well, Turlick decided he wanted to put that mean ol’ cabinet back on the wall where it belongs. So he went all the way down into the mailroom and found a spot of drywall that hadn’t collapsed, and he figgered, “That’s probably the strongest place to put a cabinet.” So he grabbed a nail outta his trusty screw sack, thinkin’ he’d bang that ol’ cabinet back up on the wall lickety split.
Well, it turns out he’d gotten his tool belt mixed up with his lunch box again, which is easy to do ‘cause both of ‘em have a picture of Frank Bank on ‘em. Luckily, Turlick’s one of the smartest, most hardest-workingest guys I ever met, so he didn’t let that stop him. He took out that nail, and put it into the cabinet, and put that cabinet up on the wall, and he took out his Cup-a-Soup and he pounded it into the nail and unfortunately he banged his thumb something pretty good.
So he had to try something else and fortunately Turlick’s hubby had also packed him a pair o’ nanners. (Turlick says it’s ‘cause he’s so nanners he needs two, and boy do I believe him, ‘cause that boy really is so nanners he needs two nanners just to keep up!) He banged those nanners into the nail until his fingers started bleedin, but that ol’ nail was stucker than a hippo in a bathtub.
So the cabinet’s still on the ground, and maybe that’s where the good Lord wants it to be. And after all that, Turlick decided he wanted to share his nanners with the rest of ya’ll. There’s some nail marks on ‘em, but they still taste nice and mushy, so you’ll have more fun with ‘em than a pig disco!