From: Tamsin Bituminock, Head of Facilities Maintenance
Howdie, everyone! I know some of you are still enjoying that chili that was in the break room a few months ago, and boy, has it done a number on the restroom next to the break room. Some of you people are poopier than squirrel nuts!
One of my boys sure as heck is, because Gibby had a big ol’ bowl of the stuff, and then he had to spend a good solid 45 minutes in there. And once he was done swabbin’ his nethers (which takes a long time ‘cause he’s got a bunch of nooks and crannies) he found that he was all locked in.
No one’s quite sure how it happened. We don’t have enough clues to make a Bingo from a whole card full of free spaces. All we know is that Gibby tried to get out of the B-room, and he couldn’t!
He spent a good 45 minutes in there flushing the toilet in case it could send out an SOS call through Morse code, but it turns out it couldn’t. Then Gibby started hollerin’ like a pig bein’ artificially inseminated with some crawdads, and Turlick heard him. After a little while he went to see what was wrong and found a door that was as jammed as his toes are.
Well, it took a while, because Gibby didn’t have any tools on him, and Turlick’s idea to turn the toilet paper into a screwdriver didn’t work ‘cause he couldn’t figure out how to make the X-ey bit of a Phillips head, but eventually Gibby escaped.
Don’t worry, though. You can go ahead and piddle and poodle to your hearts’ content. The lock’s still a bit wackadoo, ‘cause it’s really hard to fix. I mean, it’s all the way inside a door. But we put both kinds of screwdrivers in the potty, right under the empty soap dispenser, so if anyone does get stuck, use them and I’m sure you’ll make your way out tootie sweetie.
Have a great time in there, everyone. Just don’t go using it to knock boots like Perry and Kiana do!