From: Alexander Stinge, Chief Caretaker, Karismatiq Omnicorp Privatized Incarceration Corporation.
Hello, my lovely little butterflies! We’ve got something really exciting happening in the break room today.
Some of my houseguests made some adorable little greeting cards in their therapeutic crafting and behavior modification stabbing sessions. We can’t sell them, owing to the absurd typographical errors on their insides and the truly copious blood splatters on their backs. Moonbeam was having a really tough time of it, being in the midst of a very stressful difference of opinion with Captain 88 over whether rice or potatoes are superior accompaniments to a nice rat steak, and he temporarily forgot how we’ve been working on using our words instead of our improvised shivs.
Fortunately, we had a well-pressurized fire hose on hand to encourage them to channel their anger into more positive ways such as yoga or creating dream journals. The damage to our profit margin is a bit more serious, as greeting card stock is one of KOPIC’s most precious and valuable resources, but we can nudge the numbers by reducing soap rations and eliminating mattresses.
The yin of our misfortune can be balanced by the yang of your glory, because we’re offering these greeting cards to you free at no cost. Nothing will brighten one of your loved one’s days more than receiving a greeting card that has blood stains and typographical errors that you got free at work. Show them how much you care, and then maybe they’ll stab you, and be able to visit a beautiful KOPIC facility for an extended and profitable stay, and everyone will benefit, making the world a more beautiful place.
Sunshine and grounded earth to you all!