From: Kelly Terwilliger, Special Assistant To and On Behalf of CEO Renee Fledgeling
Our esteemed CEO, Renee Fledgeling, has given me standing instructions to keep the break room tidy. I’m sure you’ve noticed this in the way that I send weekly emails reminding everyone that all food left in the fridge on Fridays will be thrown out to keep mold growth to an acceptable level, or how I clean food explosions from the inside of the microwave by caressing it firmly with a damp towel around every single curved surface until it glistens like a Valkyrie.
What with all of the free things that Karismatiq Omnicorp employees leave in the break room, you may not have noticed that we have vending machines there as well, and it’s my responsibility to keep them heaving with snack products that can make you tremble uncontrollably with the blissful ecstasy that only comes when the tongue hits just the right spot.
While refilling the machines today, I noticed that these two Big Texas Cinnamon Rolls had long past their expiration date.
As probably the most morally buxom of all of America’s CEOs, Renee would never dream of charging any of you, her beloved staff, for expired food. (Plus, the health department frowns on such things.) Instead, please enjoy it with her compliments. She is certain that it will be as delicious as Kay Bailey Hutchison’s world-famous fried eggs.
Special Assistant To and On Behalf of CEO Renee Fledgeling