From: Zachary Grimblesnatch, Head of Ruminant Care
Y’know, the darnedest thing happened to me yesterday. I went home yesterday, and the mail was still in the mailbox! I called out to Carmelita, my wife, because she always picks up the mail from the mailbox, but she didn’t answer, which was pretty weird, because if there’s one thing I know about my wife Carmelita, it’s that she knows her own name and usually answers to it.
So, anyhow, I had to go out to the mailbox, and after trying a few other boxes, I eventually found it, and inside was an envelope. And, y’know, I wasn’t sure exactly how to open that envelope, because it was one of those ones that doesn’t have any plastic windows on it. But then I realized, y’know, if not having plastic windows is good enough for the yaks in my office, it’s good enough for me, so I grabbed a pair of pinking shears from my wife Carmelita’s cookin’ office, and I pinked the devil out of that envelope!
Inside were these coupons, and don’t y’know, that’s just the zaniest thing ever, because I don’t even shop! Food just comes out of my wife Carmelita’s cookin’ office piping hot and served with a smile. So I don’t know why Kroger thinks I’d want these. I guess it probably has to do with Hillary’s emails!
Anyhoodles, there are some real pretty pictures of some dairy products on these coupons. I kept one to hang on my thinkin’ wall here in the office, to give me some inspiration when there’s a real tricky problem, like when I have to castrate a goat but the local jug band borrowed my elastrator to use in their rendition of “In the Hall of the Mountain King.”
There are still plenty left, though, so I figured maybe someone else would want one, so they’re in the break room.
P.S. I eventually found my wife Carmelita, but she was sleepin’ in her car in the garage, so I just let her be!