Free in the Break Room: Cherry Cordials

Box of Cherry CordialsHi everyone! Up in the Prerecorded Inflight Announcements Department, we were doing our part to keep people flying on Georgian Airways’ fleet of Embraer E190s safe by pointing out the overwing exits and describing the unique features of the plane’s overhead oxygen masks, when we came to a shocking realization.

It’s pumpkin spice season, but—and we don’t want to yuck anyone’s yum here—we have to say that pumpkin spice is the single worst thing that’s ever been created, apart from the Bombardier CRJ700. (Those bastards took their contract to the tin-mouthed goblins at RecordCo!) So, and while we’d never judge people with terrible enough taste to like pumpkin spice in their coffee, cereal, candy, wine, tea, muffins, ice cream, applesauce, yogurt, chocolate, bread, eggnog, pretzels, energy bars, cottage cheese, rum, cheesecake, and vaginas, we thought we’d offer some counter-programming options.

That’s right. It’s cherry cordial goo season, motherfuckers!

We’re taking the flavor and texture and general goopiness of Valentine’s Day and making it a year-round thing. Now, instead of pumpkin spice, you can add a dollop of thick liquid sort-of-cherry-sort-of-boozy-sort-of-like-a-ghost’s-diarrhea to whatever you’re eating. There’s nothing it doesn’t go with! Grape juice, salmon, vegetable plates, Turtle Wax—it’ll add a romantic, gooey splodge to your day, no matter where you stick it!

Have a great day, and keep flying toward your dreams!

Celia Timbersnack

Head of Prerecorded Inflight Announcmenets

Karismatiq Omnicorp

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