Free in the Break Room: Folger’s Crystals and an iPhone Case

Folgers Crystals and an iPhone 6 Plus case that looks like Minnie MouseHave you always wanted to secretly replace the freshly ground coffee at Anthony’s Fine Dining in Atlanta with mountain-grown Folgers crystals? Well, now you can!

Yes, you too could experience the joy of a woman with southern hair and a pearl necklace calling your coffee “rich tasting,” the way the announcer just did. Or maybe a closeted bearded man will say it has a good taste. Or maybe a walrus-faced man will say it’s “very good coffee” in exchange for receiving a free meal. Whatever it is, you deserve the coffee rich enough to be served in America’s finest restaurants.

What?

Anthony’s closed in 2011?

No, it can’t be. They served Folgers Crystals!

[Googlegooglegooglegooglegoogle.]

Oh, no! This is one of the most tragedy-filled tragedies that’s ever traged. They can take a dump on Blockbuster, blow Woolworth’s out their butt, and poop on Pets.com, but I really thought Anthony’s would make it.

Boy, I feel like kind of a jerk for telling you that you could go there and replace their coffee with Folgers Crystals now. What a faux pas!

To make it up to you, why don’t you have this iPhone 6 Plus case, which can make your iPhone 6 Plus look just like Minnie Mouse, source of some of Atlanta’s finest dining…

What do you mean Minnie Mouse is dead?

[Googlegooglegooglegooglegoogle.]

She was euthanized after being part of the control group in an experiment to try to find a polio vaccine even though we already have a polio vaccine? What the everloving Jonas Salk polio fuck?

Look, this is kind of a bad day. Just take your “coffee” and your iPhone 6 Plus case and let me mourn in peace.

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