Hi everyone. Betty from HR here.
We’ve noticed a real uptick in cursing around the Karismatiq Omnicorp offices lately, and while we’d never want to be accused of impinging upon the free expression of our employees, there are a lot of people in our office whose religious freedom depends on controlling what other people do. So cut out the swearing or you’ll be fired.
To serve as a playful reminder, I’ve brought in this box of Fiddle Faddle. In addition to being a delicious treat—a veritable mouthful of fun with 0 grams of trans fat!—it’s a reminder that you can be sweet and salty without getting sweet and salty. I know it always reminds me of my late grandmother, Elizabeth from HR. She could stub her toe or lose at bingo, but she’d never swear—she’d just say, “Oh, Fiddle Faddle.” Those were even her last words, when she passed in that tragic skiing accident because she misread “Black Diamond” as “Take, Dummy!” The park rangers all heard her shouting, “Ohhhhhhh Fiddddddd-le Faddddddd,” and then a thump as big as Sonny Bono’s.
I know there can be times in our lives when we get frustrated, but I hope you’ll all remember the example of my grandmother and instead of swearing, just say “Fiddle Faddle” instead.
(Here’s a chance to practice. This Fiddle Faddle is pretty old, and it’s been in the heat, so it’s all one big block, so if you try to taste some, what’s going to come out of your mouth? “Oh, Fiddle Faddle!”)