Hi everyone. Betty from HR here. We’ve been hearing reports of some rather inappropriate comments being made about some of our friends from the Compliance Department. We’d like you to make it clear that Deborah is not a drip, Clive is not a kill-joy, Sam is not a stuffed shirt, and Sheila is not a square. Our Compliance Department works very hard to ensure that all of our practices meet Standard 9352.81(D), Policy 77-90215/b(i)D.1, and Rules 97.9x–131.33Dx inclusive. Their efforts have led to a 0.03% increase in throughput, a 0.07% decrease in litigation, and a massive 0.09% improvement in our Overall Compliance Coefficient, one of the 17 Principles of Successful Corporate Operations that we adopted in 1995 and revised in 1999, 2003, 2005, 2009, 2012, 2014, 2017 (three times) and 2018.
Look, we don’t want to make this a whole big thing, and our Compliance Department does have a sense of humor. So to show that they, too, enjoy things that are viewed as humorous, they’ve brought a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You’ll crave those crazy squares, as Wendell (both the Cinnamon Toast Crunch mascot and the Deputy Assistant Director of the Compliance Department) have said! Plus, Compliance will put your workday on a whole other level. (That’s no longer the Cinnamon Toast Crunch slogan, ever since the Great Slogan Incident of 2009, but it’s still the kind of wacky japery that our Compliance Department loves so much.)
Also, there’s no French Toast Crunch, Peanut Butter Toast Crunch, Frosted Toast Crunch, or Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch. The Compliance Department loves fun, but let’s keep it to an appropriate level for the workplace, ok? Thanks.