Special day! There are bagels in the break room. And as everyone knows, bagels are the absolute best bread there is. Even everything bagels, which don’t actually contain everything but do contain the flavorings common to bagels—namely onion, garlic, blueberry, chocolate chip, poppy seed, cinnamon raisin, sesame, pumpernickel, and asiago cheese, which is admittedly a lot.
(Does asiago cheese exist outside of bagels, by the way? I’ve never seen it anywhere else.)
And these are from Gordon, the bagels that were cooked by the 1992 Barenaked Ladies album. If you had a million dollars, you wouldn’t buy these bagels, that’s cruel.
Still, it’ll make the day go better. Stop whining. There are bagels!