Free in the Break Room: Bread and Apples

Two loaves of bread and a bag of apples.

There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s start with the bread. It’s delightful, but I just don’t get it. Where did it come from? Did somebody make it at home? I mean, I don’t think so. If you bake your own bread, would you make two extra loaves to bring in to work? Especially two loaves of different varieties? I wouldn’t. I like my co-workers just fine, but any fresh bread I make that I share is because it’ll go bad otherwise. And who has their own personal clear plastic bags to wrap bread like that? Do those even exist outside of factories?

So, yeah, it seems like bakery bread. But if so, where did it come from? Don’t most bakeries, especially really good ones, wrap their bread in paper rather than plastic? And this is really good—the loaf of white bread has a chewy, crusty texture, while the other one has just a hint of cranberry and a delicate glaze that gives it the most delicate sweetness. And even if the bakery wrapped their bread in plastic, wouldn’t they at least put their logo on it somewhere? That’s just Branding 101.

Did whoever brought it in buy the bread from a prominent bakery but ask them to wrap it up anonymously? Or worse, did they buy the bread, and some anonymous plastic bags, and wrap it themselves to pretend that they either made it themselves or bought it from a bakery that’s so under-the-radar they can’t share its name lest it become overrun with middle-aged people who dream about being the hipsters they love to mock so mercilessly?

Meanwhile, the apples. They’re lovely, but they’re so tiny. How do they live like that?

And did they come to the office together, like some weird prom date where the two coolest kids in school go together but decide to try to go viral by also inviting the developmentally disabled kid to go with them as a thruple? Or did they meet up here spontaneously, like 85% of Grindr during the Republican National Convention?

I’m just so confused.

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