Free in the Break Room: Tim Horton’s Donut Holes

 

Hey there, hosers! We’ve got a whole box full of Canadian stereotypes in the break room. If you’d like to form a very polite queue, we’ll be happy to share them with you, as long as you give your proper obeisance to Her Majesty the Queen first, and, naturally, coat yourself in maple syrup and poutine.

Also, we are going to break eight teeth out of your face with a hockey puck, but that’s just part of the game.

The break room is technically officially bilingual now, so you will need to demonstrate your knowledge of French If you wish to keep your position here. We’ll be serving all liquids in bags from here on out, and one of our departments is going to be engaging in a generally laughable but nevertheless pesky decades-long secession campaign. Also, there was a plausible, if ultimately unsuccessful, campaign to rename half of another department Bob after it split in two.

When did our CEO get so dreamy, by the way? Were you watching when that happened? It may just be the improved health care plan, but every person in the company kind of wants to jump his bones.

(PSA: We’re at least a thousand miles from Canada, so these donut holes are probably going to be really, really, really stale. Injest at your peril.)

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